By Dámaris Tenza – Sex Therapist Specialized in Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD), CBT and Gestalt Therapy
Why Do Some People Love Too Much While Others Push Love Away?
As a therapist specializing in love addiction recovery, I frequently see relationships where one person clings to emotional intensity while the other avoids closeness. This painful cycle is deeply rooted in attachment trauma and emotional dependency.
Understanding and healing these patterns is essential to developing healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Love Addiction – When Closeness Becomes a Drug
Love addiction is an emotional dependency where relationships become an obsession. People struggling with this often:
- Feel panic or emptiness when alone.
- Jump from one relationship to another to avoid discomfort.
- Experience intense highs and crushing lows in romance.
- Ignore personal boundaries, prioritizing their partner’s needs.
Research shows that love addiction affects the same brain pathways as substance addiction, making romantic obsession feel like an actual drug. This is why breakups feel like withdrawal, triggering anxiety, depression, and compulsive behaviors.
Love Avoidance – Fear of True Connection
Love avoidants are often drawn to love addicts, but they fear vulnerability and emotional dependence. They may:
- Withdraw or create distance when relationships deepen.
- Feel trapped by intimacy and commitment.
- Prioritize independence over connection.
- Sabotage relationships, fearing loss of control.
This push-pull dynamic creates toxic cycles: the love addict chases connection, while the avoidant retreats—fueling insecurity and emotional pain for both.
Healing the Love Addiction & Avoidance Cycle
True healing requires self-awareness and emotional regulation. In therapy, I help clients:
- Recognize emotional triggers and past trauma.
- Develop healthy self-esteem outside of relationships.
- Build emotional security without fear of intimacy.
- Regulate nervous system responses to reduce anxiety.
Healing is not about rejecting love, but learning to love in a balanced and fulfilling way.
Transforming Relationships with Holistic Therapy
I combine attachment-based therapy, somatic work, and mindfulness to help clients rebuild their ability to love and connect healthily.
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, take my love addiction quiz to start your journey toward change.
With insight and intention,
Dámaris Tenza
